18

Soooo, 18 in Hebrew is chai…it’s also luck. It’s also known as the legal age…the age of adulthood, decision making without a parents permission, and, with the exception of needing to be 21 here (In the US) to drink, it pretty much allows you to do everything else without anyone’s permission at all…mostly.

I know that if you had read my last blog, you just might be looking for an update as to what ever happened after my 3 dates with Mr. No Spark. Well, we continued to chat with each other, here and there, just doing nothing in particular, and, over time, it became apparent to me that this guy really liked me. In fact, as we continued to see each other, we began, without even realizing it, “reinventing” memories of places I’ve been to or things I’ve done, with other people… and, this is how it began…

After our 3rd date, it seemed to me like we would become friends, attend some things together, and just go with the flow. He called me one night and mentioned that Casablanca was playing on the big screen for just one night, and he wondered if I’d go with him. To be honest, I thought to myself, no friggin’ way, and are you friggin’ kidding me?! Since this was my last guy’s all-time favorite movie…I mean, is it EVERY guy’s favorite movie, or just the ones I’ve been with?! I couldn’t imagine subjecting myself to that. But then, I realized, every time I HAD seen it, it was on a television, or rented, or downloaded; I had never actually SEEN it on the big screen. Plus, it WAS a Sunday night, and I had nothing really planned, soooo, I said yes to going along, telling myself, it’s just a movie, and, I HAD promised to hang out with him. Well, He had pre purchased the tickets, got out of work early, picked me up, (and still opened the door for me) as well as making time for a quick bite beforehand, at a nearby diner, making it just in time, as there were no previews. I have to admit, that I really enjoyed seeing it, and seeing his reaction to it, and learning about his love for the music from old classics. It began a conversation about upbringing, music shared with him by his father, now gone, and the values his “pop” had instilled in him. A few days later we talked about seeing another movie the following Sunday evening; One that I had wanted to see, but I thought it might be more of a “chick flic”. He said it was “only fair” since I sat through the one he wanted to see the Sunday prior. Another quick dinner, lots of previews, the movie, and some thought provoking follow up conversation, leading to other things we both watch, like The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and how much we were both eagerly awaiting the release of the final season, coming along very soon. We talked about viewing it together, if it worked out. The next few weeks led to lots of just texting, as I entered the next busy season of rehearsals, dress rehearsals, performances, and competitions. He asked about it all, where they were, and if he could view any of it without disturbing my still being in work mode. I didn’t tell him much, but said I was appreciative of the support, but knew the schedule didn’t mesh with his work schedule, but I’d keep in touch, especially if something was local. I may’ve mentioned one, by date, and the venue, but no specifics other than the schedule runs early or late, but I never really know. When I texted him from the fore mentioned venue, I noted that we were running ahead, schedule wise, so it wasn’t worth his while, as he’d JUST miss it. He texted me back immediately, that he had thought that might be a possibility, so he got out of work earlier and was 5 minutes away…and he didn’t mean, from the venue, he meant from finding me in the audience! I was caught wayyyy off guard, ill-equipped to explain who he was other than a friend. I mean, that’s who he was, a friend, but then, within seconds, he tapped me from behind, and presented me with a dozen long-stemmed roses….ummm…ummm…wowza! And, oh crap! NOW, what do I do?!!
When I picked my jaw up off of the floor, he said, “Isn’t it customary to give roses to the choreographer at a performance?!” And my brain went into overdrive…Had anyone ever done that for me? Anyone at all? My husband even? No. He hadn’t. My parents,? …nope. No one EVER had. I graciously accepted them and thanked him, as he took a seat next to me. I was dumbfounded. Speechless. Shocked. And, definitely caught off guard. I didn’t utter a word…beyond rare for sure. Did I mention I was caught off guard?? I was also working, and every parent and coworker sitting nearby took notice. At the end of my first production number, I went backstage to greet my dancers, get them back to the dressing room, and regroup before my next number. On they went, and as I returned to my seat and noted aloud some issues with the number, he said “I thought it was fantastic.” I thanked him, quickly introduced him by name to my coworkers, and then asked him to hand me something from my bag, next to him, and then the weirdest thing happened…he reached into my bag, pulled out what he thought I had described, and then, realizing that wasn’t it, he put it back, and then put my bag on his lap, and tried again, until finally he said, “you’d think I’d recognize it, but I just don’t, so here ya go”, putting it on my lap, awaiting its return to the chair beside him, like we had been together FOR YEARS, and, once I got what I needed, he put it back beside him, and continued talking about the number, as if he had never been interrupted for something I needed that was sitting closer to him. I couldn’t explain it, but it seemed so natural, and yet, so ….odd.
Well, I headed back to the dressing room after the awards, while he patiently waited, and parents crooned and chirped around me with big fat, longing smiles on their faces, having known me over many years, as married and then widowed, and they were just like middle schoolers, with a big secret or a big crush, or a secret ABOUT a crush. They just couldn’t stop smiling, and oozing, and I had to tell them to be cool, as he was just a friend. But, something honestly changed that day, and it continued to do so.
We left the venue after my dancers were all done for the night and the very full weekend, grabbed a quick burger nearby, and, got another “gem of a waitress” who rambled off types of cheeses for our burgers, much like an annoyed robot. He did not miss a beat, saying, “Well, that cheddar sounds just FANTASTIC to me, AND a sure win, so let’s both get THAT!” She rolled her eyes and left the table. And then he said, “What IS IT with us and these cranky waitresses?!” And I had to laugh, thinking precisely the same thing. But, all I could utter was “great minds think alike”.

Something changed yes, but, for me…I saw him as different…different than anyone I had ever been with… different in his expectations, his patience, his pacing, his style of giving, his need to be supportive, his graciousness, his willingness, and his desire to just BE with me. He also works 2 full time jobs, so his time is precious, and very limited, but he had decided (apparently way before this) that he wanted to be with me, and, exclusively at that. He wanted to get to know, not just me, but my hopes, my hurt, and my goals, and he wanted to be a part of them, and contribute to them with support, time, and affection. He asked only, that I’d allow him in, on my own terms, and my own timing, no matter how long that was, and without expectation. How can someone say no to that? I admitted that my life is crazy, and the timing, not ideal, but then I remembered something my brilliant MIL had told us….”It will NEVER be the right time to do ANYTHING that is a big step toward your future…Not to meet someone, to start a life together, to buy a house, a car, have a child, go on a vacation, and there will NEVER be enough money for any of those things either. But, if you meet your responsibilities and obligations first, you NEED to do the other things, because, otherwise, you never will.” And then, the words of my professional conduct professor from grad school…”Life is ALL about a balance.” And finally, a close friend….”How will you ever know, if you don’t open yourself to it?” — I certainly wasn’t ready to claim exclusivity, or even put a name on this, but, I did know that if that time were to present itself organically, I would know. He was perfectly fine with this. And so, in my head, I BEGAN “seeing him”, though we had been out together, probably, like 8 times.

I can count on one hand, how many times I have fooled myself. Each time, I was probably the only one I WAS fooling. I’m no dummy, but I have been hurt, so I stick with what I need to stay grounded…realistic, responsible, professional, and, believe me, I have more than enough on my plate. But, I keep reminding myself of those three statements from those three people…one of them, whom is no longer here, one that is no longer in my life, and one that is no longer in my everyday, as we do, so infrequently, reconnect these days, but, she has found her own true love, after she reopened that door after being hurt and going through a major life change, and THAT person in her doorway, was right there all along. And honestly, I wasn’t seeing anyone else, but was honest enough to share that I wanted, no, I NEEDED, that option.

My 2 close friends refer to him as “the guy they are rooting for” and “Mr. No Name”, and one of them tells me that even though it’s been some time, they’re looking forward to meeting him “now that I’ve decided to hang onto him”.
My daughter is referring to him as “mom’s new boo”, and. my mom, I believe, is super excited for the prospect of this being “the real thing” as she asks about him at every conversation, even mere hours apart, when I speak to her, which is more often than I speak to him. Gotta love it.

He has also changed in this shift…He’s calmer, more open, has become more of a sharer and risk taker, and has asked me to attend a family celebration with him, which I have accepted, knowing now, that I will meet his mom, his siblings, their spouses, and, even more importantly, his (adult-ish) kids, all of whom know of me.
I have, in my head, and online, just recently, removed myself from circulation, much like a good library book, with others by the same much loved, author. If I need to recirculate, I will do so, and with a prior conversation, but, I’m beginning to realize that I really might be a well loved book. And, though the chapters are many, and are quite full, they can be a glorious read and reread.

Last night, he met me by my car once I returned home from working late, to carry up that last bag of potting soil to my deck, just to “lighten my load” and “get to see me” for a little while, before heading home to bed prior to having to get up early to commute and go to both jobs through late tonight. Today he tells me he is “blissfully tired”, but happy to have “snuck in a midweek rendezvous-vous, just to see me”, and I got to enjoy a glass of wine, a small charcuterie board, and my new plantings and flowers out on my deck for a couple of hours. The company was lovely, and it felt right. Google might consider a “slow burn” to be 3 dates, and even as many as 6, but after 18, I am ready to #dodifferent, having now gone out to dinner with him and my closest friend’s guy, and, I have asked him to consider accompanying me to a graduation party in a few weeks. I may even introduce him by name…soooo…Sex and the City-like. I guess we’ll see if this “read” is worthy of a second season. ….And onward we go…

Do you eat sushi and how much baggage do you have…aka “Dating as an adult”.

In the musical, RENT, one of my favorite lines is “I’m just looking for baggage that goes with mine”.

This should really be the last line of my blog. Or, perhaps, my ENTIRE blog. But, much like auditioning for professional theatre, I can’t help but to see some similarities.

I am a triple threat…I dance, sing, and act (though that’s not my best of the 3) and, because of my height, I have never found myself as an ingenue, but, more likely as a character actress, or a strong lead dancer or dance captain, with a small vocal solo, in the ensemble.
I auditioned constantly, and was kept often, through the entire day, and then let go because of my height or build. I often heard things like “too bad you’re that small, or that size, build, chest, or leg length, because you’re really good, strong, vibrant, skilled, an incredible hoofer, (that’s a tap thing) or upwards to fabulous. The odd thing was, I was all of those physicalities when I came in. It’s not like that was going to change over the course of the day. And, while I made cut after cut, remained, hour after hour, and they paired us off with partners, this became ever so much more obvious. Now, this was NOT a “dance ten, looks three” situation, with the exception of “I saw what they were hiring”…but I couldn’t do anything to change that, Park Avenue, and 73rd, or not. Your height is your height. And, though I will admit to trying to stretch myself on a monkey bar as a kid, I knew full well, years later, that nothing would change that. I hold myself as tall as possible, have good posture, don’t “schlump” and all that, but I am just under 5 feet tall. I have also been cast as a teen, child, etc., because of this…4 foot, 10, 4 foot, 10…if you know, you know.
There are so many things about dating that remind me of auditions like these… Even the profiles of what people are looking for…fit, tall, leggy, BBW, etc., etc. And then the flip side…Does their schedule coincide with mine? What would the commute be? Is there downtime? Me time? What’s the contract expectations? How long do I see myself doing this? Is there longevity in this potential? And on and on.

My (Married) friend sends me memes that are pretty accurate:

“Dating when you are older, is like going to Walmart and finding the cart without the broken wheel”

“Dating: It’s like finding the least broken crayon in the box.”

“Dating, when you’re older, is like digging through the crumbs at the bottom of the bag of chips to find that one chip that isn’t SO broken, that you can get just one more scoop of salsa.”

Now, I KNOW you want the nitty gritty of who, what, and where, so, though I’m an absolute newbie at this, I’ll give you enough to make it worth the purchase of your seat…

I do, however, have to reiterate something that I set into motion, that I believe just might be THE most important thing in this process…Anyone in this “situation” HAS to have done the work, whether that be therapeutically, or not. That includes ongoing situations that still keep you unhealthily connected to your past that holds great tension, like grief therapy, like those last few alimony payments, that marital house that you’re still paying for, that car that you still haven’t replaced, because of those other payments, the lack of coordination of family holidays, that 25 year old kid’s medical insurance that is causing you to work 2 jobs when your 25 year old is not working one, and, that unfinished business with your “Ex”, whether romantic, lost, rejected, or hurt. Yes, we ALL take the hurt with us, but, …AND HERE IT IS FOLKS: In order to date, you have to, not only be READY to do so in YOUR mind, but you must be ready to do so, so that YOUR dating someone else, doesn’t hurt THEM.

That “chip” in the bag becomes very apparent when it’s there, and has the potential to hold a decent size scoop of salsa. And, if that chip HAS kept itself together, through the ongoing dropping or crushing of the bag, then it is much more likely to be enjoyed. And, if it fails, or, better yet, is about to do you wrong, it will recognize it, admit to cracking, and let you know that it wasn’t as chip ready as it thought it was. “Caution, contents break under pressure.”

Here’s what else I’ve learned…

Walmart and Target are two VERY different places. This relates to everything from where you shop to what they “carry”, what quantity and quality they have; How many brands can you choose from, how is it staffed, and how do you check out upon purchase? (I am not a fan of self checkout, and would much rather engage in the social interaction, should time allow). You need to know what you want, and look for it in the right places. (If you want to meet someone who bikes, get on a bike. If you want to meet someone who loves the beach, go to the beach. If you want to meet someone who works out, go to the gym. And, if you want to meet someone who drinks, go to a bar.) seems logical, right?!

Crayons….I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time I needed a crayon. I mean, I love crayons, and used to color, but now, I carry my own pen, and, have a beautiful array of journaling markers that I use for my journal, cards, and my planner. If they run out of ink over time, I replace them. I’ve always taken very good care of my belongings, and, because of that, they last longer than expected. A crayon is fun for a once in a while, kid like, change of pace, but, I’ll stick to my journaling markers. (No judgement if crayons are your thing; fun is fun, but I’m looking for long lasting quality.)

The crumbs at the bottom of the bag, well, we’ve touched upon these. But, anyone knows that over time, there are A LOT of crumbs at the bottom of any given bag, and yes, depending on what that bag has gone through, even more crumbs are more likely, and whole chips will certainly be sparse. Chip bags that hang out with other chip bags, upright, supported, and stacked just so, RATHER than handled, crushed, mangled, or tossed, tumbled, or yes, stepped on, have a lot more promise. (Self-care, healing, and the support of friends is everything.) I bounce things off of two very specific friends, who are candid, supportive, and will tell me like it is. They both know my past, my present, and they are invested in my future, and only because they really ARE my friends. They are judgement free, intelligent, and have walked their own roads. They are not afraid to call me out on my “stuff” and don’t necessarily agree with everything I do, or everything I believe, but they know what I need, when it’s bullshit, and they are “my safeties” in a world of madness and newness, multiple times over. They keep me humble, and they keep me laughing. And they’ll kick anyone in the crotch that needs it, on my behalf. (I’m certainly counting on that one, as there IS one who REALLY needs to protect his loins— BIG TIME.) His time is coming.

I was “recommended”, “as a bonus” to someone who “didn’t match my specifics, but you may have something in common”. The only thing I could see, was that he was listed as having a graduate degree. Any other logistics, just didn’t match, however, again, a newbie, I was willing to check it out. We chatted for a millisecond, as he was heading home and asked if we could continue our chat in an hour…he was a construction worker, and knew that I was a clinical therapist and dancer/choreographer. I figured he was some kind of engineer, but I didn’t put too much thought into it, because I’m all for whatever anyone works hard at, and with a passion. True to his word, he chatted me about an hour later. (Hard worker AND reliable!) I asked where he went to grad school, what he studied, and if it still related to what he now did. He said that he went to a union certificate program for construction. Needless to say, I was a bit confused….when I mentioned how we were algorithmically put together, I was shocked when he chatted, “Well, sorry to disappoint you.” (He had misinterpreted “graduate” and had completed his program.) And, then I got a notification: End of conversation—content deleted—blocked. ….OUCH! What?! I mean….What?!!
It caught me off guard, and I was shocked, as I was all ready to ask more about him, believing that sometimes people are put in each other’s path for a reason. However, that’s on him, and not me. I guess sometimes the algorithm is just….wrong.

I’ve decided that much like I “allow” my repeat, homesick campers, to decide just how long they want to be homesick this time, I am allowing myself time for this kind of adjustment as well. A mere millisecond of conversation gets minutes of WTH, thereafter, and maybe chatting for a few days gets a week or so. I’m kind of liking the formula, “2xTimespent=regrouping” ….For now, this can work. As for real relationships, I’m attempting .5xTimespent=regrouping. I’m also hoping to find some more expedient, new math in this process. I think I may have even found that on my own!

My 7 “IDEAL MAN” traits:

1. He communicates well, so there is no miscommunication, drama, or anxiety.

2. He calls when he says he will call, because he keeps his word, (and he can’t wait to talk to you).

3. He plans dates, moves things forward, and is upfront and direct about how much he wants to be with you.

4. He allows you to pace the intimacy.

5. He’s emotionally healthy, available, and ready to really BE with you.

6. He’s looking FOR a relationship (and not for a booty-call) #thingsineverthoughtidsay

7. He’s a man who will treasure you and treat you right.

These, of course, are MY ideals, (Thank you Matt Boggs for your guidance and John Gottman, Ph.D, for your coursework.) They are just listed, and are not, in any numerical order. Anyone who truly cares about you, will not hurt you.
(Follow me for more recipes, and LOVE-YOUR-LIFE!) (I just needed the laugh!)

Aaaand, I absolutely LOVE sushi, and I’m just looking for baggage that “coordinates” with mine.

audition, Baggage, chips, communication, crayons, crumbs, dating, emotionality, healthy, height, ideals, ingenue, markers, match, newbie, older, Path, physicalities, plans, ready, specifics, treasure, triple threat

audition, Baggage, chips, communication, crayons, crumbs, dating, emotionality, healthy, height, ideals, ingenue, markers, match, newbie, older, Path, physicalities, plans, ready, specifics, treasure, triple threat

Big boy panties

During my junior year of high school, I dated a guy. He was a mutual friend of all of our friends, and our worlds continuously overlapped. Neither of us acted upon it for forever, and then, a mutual friend kind of orchestrated our “finally”getting together, and then, we were “a couple”. Our friends seemed relieved that we were “finally together”, having waited, themselves, for some time, though both of us were oblivious to this. The relationship was short lived, and ended with the infamous “its not you; it’s me, and, of course we’ll stay friends.” It was difficult, but, eventually mastered, and we did remain friends, against the odds.

During my senior year of high school, having had a crush on a guy in my English class for quite some time, I previously went with accepting an invite to THE prom (in New York, it’s THE prom; not prom) upon agreement, already planning to attend with a close friend, which was all good until he met someone, and I, of course had to be “understanding” that they, of course, go together. I mean, it did make sense, but…Having already purchased a dress months before, and it was altered and picked up, I was really, REALLY disappointed. He did, however, arrange for a mutual friend to ask me, and that guy ended up being the best, most unexpected, chivalrous, fun date. Of course, the guy in my English class ended up asking me to go, merely days prior, but I was already committed, and wouldn’t have dreamed of doing what was done to me. He asked though, if he could tag along to the beach for the rest of the weekend festivities, and so I included him. I even picked him up in my Oldsmobile, 98 Regency, and we drove down to the beach together in the morning. He had stayed up all night to be as tired as the rest of us were, which was really adorable and unexpected. We remained in the same vibe throughout the weekend and We ended up together for the next two plus years. It was a wonderful relationship, but it ended the same way…”It’s me; Not you, and we should stay friends.” Well, this time, I couldn’t do it. I was just too crushed. Devastated. I threw myself into my college workload, and, over time, moved on.

During the summer, just prior to my senior year in college, while prepping for the LSAT and law school applications and acceptances, I, unexpectedly, met a guy, while minding my friends’ coats, as the designated driver at a local dance club. I sooooo didn’t want to be there, or in the coat-watching position, but, true to form, there I was. This guy pursued me beyond belief, even showing up where I worked the very next night, and thereafter. We ended up in a serious relationship, and were expected to marry. He, as well, moved at that pace with me, and then he ruined everything after two plus years together, because of some other serious family things going on, and, moreso, his not really being ready to do so. He was 25; I was 23. I was completely crushed, but gave him grace because of our ages. I, however, walked away, devastated, having lost him, the relationship, our future, and his family. It had been the perfect package deal. It took me ages to get over him…Always wondering, had circumstances been different.

Several months later, I met my husband—He ruined everything….Where I had planned to attend law school, where I intended to live, and how I intended to carry on in my life without anyone having my heart. I threw myself into therapy. I had to. I had plans. BIG plans. No one was a part of those plans. I did the work, and went with it, but protected my heart. The guy had to work around the clock and back and forth from Brooklyn to get me to succumb, but he also did the work. 8 weeks later, (Yes, 8 weeks) we were engaged, (it was a surprise) and, a year later, we were married. We made some changes: He moved locally, and I applied to a different graduate program in the city. We got a condo, and a puppy (That was his spontaneity and craziness, not mine; he was my “wedding gift” ….JUST what I needed working full time and attending grad school full time) but he was adorable….and so was the puppy.
Years later, I learned some things…. The guy from junior year had regrets. He also apologized. He said he felt really inadequate at 17, because I had a plan. He didn’t. (My god, we were 17!) Years later, he had intended to ask me out when we kept running into each other on the train, but I still had big plans, and he still hesitated. By the time he decided to act on it, I was wearing an engagement ring; I only found this out many years later, also having been oblivious to this. The friend who took his new girlfriend to the prom, instead of me, well, we lost touch, but, true to form, SHE became a dear friend of mine. The guy from my English class was right..it really WAS him, and not me, and, years later, I was introduced by him, to his fabulous husband, and we have A TON in common. They’re a fabulous couple too.
Well, I spent just short of 30 years with “the guy who ruined everything” while we made a wonderful life together, though we had our struggles and some significant losses, until he unexpectedly passed away. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him, have a reminder of him, or catch myself thinking “if only…”

As for the guy I almost married, he married 7 years after I did, and was, until they divorced, several years later. We had been in touch once or twice, but really had no relationship of any kind. He also wasn’t on social media. Somehow, we reconnected at the start of Covid lockdown, by phone, then FaceTime, and developed a friendship. He said that he had never had what I had, and longed for it. He was also devastated for me, knew he had made some huge mistakes 33 plus years before, and I got that apology from him several times over, and it was heartfelt. Plus, people grow, and change, and we were different people now. Oddly, I had to hear his voice to even connect that he was the same person from years ago. The banter, the connection, the common interests, and the rest was still there, and we ended up in a relationship with each other; It was something neither of us had expected or imagined. As the world opened up, so did we, getting to know each other over months of conversations from a distance, and then, after several months, we were able to see each other in person. We were now together, but all grown up. We came back into each other’s lives and families, attended big events and fun happenings together, and, though hesitant, I was reminded how in life you rarely are given a second chance, so I let my guard down and became vulnerable. I made sure I was therapeutically “doing the work” of healing and growing, and he seemed to be moving forward as well… My friends were proud of me, accepted him, and I kept myself accountable, and moving slowly, reminding myself that time was really on my side, and all I needed to do was be happy, and go with it, and so, I did. I was beyond surprised when, after a very long time together, and without warning, he fabricated a disagreement, told me he was “livid”, and shunned me for “not knowing why”. Truth be told, there was nothing I could put my finger on, though I had been suspicious about his having not been as open or available the two or more weeks prior, and, no, he never did explain what he was so livid about. For whatever reason, he just needed out, and I had no choice but to grant it after there was no conversation. I had my suspicions, and I gave it and him, some time…maybe more than he deserved…no, definitely more than he deserved, and, got nothing from him. And so, pursuant to our very early on agreement to be adults if one of us wanted out, I WAS that adult, and I left him a message, letting him go. I really wasn’t prepared for that, but you can’t give someone more of something that they already don’t want. My biggest disappointment was NOT having been with him, or for as long as I was, but, truly, his lack of respect for me, regardless of the situation. Especially, after all that time together, it being the second time, and being adults. I know now, as well, that growing up has nothing to do with age. Nor does a readiness to be with someone.
I had made sure, not only that I was ready to be out there, but that I was ready to be out there and with someone that wouldn’t be hurt by me being with them. I cannot say the same thing for him. We haven’t spoken since, and it’s been well over 6 months. In the process, I have again lost my connection to his family, and that’s twice now. That also hurts.

I’ve always believed in baseball…and the Mets. I know, I know…but they come back every now and again, and, when they do, they come back strong. But, that 3 strikes, you’re out thing…that just doesn’t work for me anymore. I’ve been known to give people too many chances, and get hurt in the process.
I’m thinking 2 now. Once, and once more, just to be sure. In time, it may be just 1.

I’ve put myself “back out there”, wherever “out there” might be. I’m not really doing anything about it, except living my life. Though I have friends that have met their significant other on them, Dating Apps are just not for me, and people on them are just not whom they say they are. I’ve always felt that you meet people through other people, and that has served my family well many times over.
I have, however, told my cardiologist that if he knows anyone of substance, I’d be interested. (I trust him; we go back a long way. He saved my life.) And, I’ve gone on a few dates recently…shocking, I know…and, with one particular guy, who was great, but, he wasn’t ready and was still “doing the work” from his own stuff. For a change, this guy stepped up, showed integrity, and let me know. I thanked him, and though I’m bummed because there was potential, I am grateful that he didn’t go through the motions, get caught up, and then, either create a bigger mess, waste my time, or just bail.

I’m not sure how to navigate any of this. In all honesty, I never did…Not when I was 17, and not now (that I’m 29). (Hey, #IYKYK) However, I DO know that ANY kind of relationship, whether friends, family, colleagues, or other, takes communication. And, I don’t understand why men, specifically, who say they want an “independent woman” or “no drama” can’t put on their big boy panties and communicate. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but you need to have an underwear malfunction of sorts, to find your comfort.
We all have baggage; I’m just looking for baggage that coordinates with mine.
I also know, that “If we are mindfully dating, we are dating with intention. Once we become clear on that intention, we can recognize who is and isn’t in alignment with what we’re looking for. Rejection isn’t personal if one person chooses to not pursue things further, it makes room for the right person to show up.”
But, PULL UP YOUR BIG BOY PANTIES, because, as of this week, I am putting myself out there, wherever that is, and I am open to what 2023 has in store for me. It’s time. This is, for sure, a HUGE step for me, but I’m ready, and my key word is integrity. And, if you DON’T have integrity, well then “it’s DEFINITELY you, and not me”.

Soooo, if you know anybody, who’s looking for a fabulous, independent, 29 year old woman….