It’s May. The start of warmer days, flowers, wearing lighter clothing, and those things we used to go to…umm…oh yeah…celebrations. I’ve missed wayyy too many of them in the last 16 months. Most of them never took place, like my daughters law school graduation, certificate awards night, and formal graduation portraits. Not her engagement, nor her wedding. Well, those happened, but just with the two of them, and we still haven’t gotten to plan a celebration. Other friends of mine have gotten married, had babies, had communions, confirmations, bar or bat mitzvahs, birthdays, showers, and graduations, but not with people, or with only a handful. I have understood of course, but I’ve watched something else happen as well…appreciation and gratitude.
many of those around me, much like me, have reassessed what is important to them. Now, more than “BC”, aka “Before Covid” priorities are changing. — Schedules are changing. Celebrations are changing. And, in ways, I never thought possible. you see, the things that mattered before, just don’t matter at all anymore. What matters now, is not WHO can attend, or how BIG a celebration is, but that it happens at all, and why it became important to do so now. Love has become a bigger consideration, as has time. How long have we been in a situation? How long do we have left to be happy? How do we want to do things differently than we have done in the past? Do whatever we have now, or actually do now, matter? Make us happy? Fulfill us? Check off our bucket lists? Do we have our priorities in order? What matters most to us?
I have spent a lot of time lately, observing this and thinking about it. Like anyone who has been touched by illness or even death, you reflect. And then, you reflect some more. You make changes, even though these changes can be overwhelming, but change has been set into motion. Life is full of lessons. We learn. We grow. We change.
We prioritize differently, and we cross our fingers and toes, and pray that it works.
These last couple of weeks have me reassessing like crazy…Covid has changed me dramatically. It has taught me that so many things no longer matter to me, when once, they were so important to me. And, other things matter more to me now than they had in the past. Different people matter more to me, and I am no longer willing to make excuses for others and their actions or lack there of. I’m looking for my balance…my NEW balance. And, where I once put myself last, considering everyone else first, now, I actually count. This summer, I am hoping for a safe “soft opening” of the world. And, after being locked down since December, of 2019, I will not be doing that this summer. I don’t think it’s good for any adult’s mental health, and it certainly hasn’t been good for mine.
I am a social being, who needs connection, support, and yes, down time to regroup. I have “gone it alone” for too long, and need to emerge, and emerge big. I need to change things up, spend more time, not only with those I love, but showing love TO myself.
That wedding that I was looking forward to…? Yes, I went. And, I had a fabulous time. And the most amazing part was when the bride stood at the top of the aisle, arm in arm with her grandfather, on his birthday, honoring her departed grandmother with her own dress adorned with a piece of her dress, and we were asked to rise. Simultaneously, we all broke out in thunderous applause, hooting, hollering, and crying, because this beautiful bride (who even arranged for many of the vaccines that had been acquired by the guests) FINALLY got to walk. And yes, that was more important than anything else this venue could offer, and as of 48 hours earlier, became, not the 3rd, but the 4th venue for this celebration. When the guests danced, they did so in celebration, much like lords-a-leaping, because it was finally real.
This period of time has been awful on SOOO many accounts, but I have to admit, I have a much greater appreciation of things, overall, and I wasn’t too shabby about gratitude before.
It’s time to turn the page in my story. It’s time to move onto the next chapter, or even time to write a new book.
…The pen’s in my hand; ending unplanned…
Cloves of Carolyn 