The last 48 hours, (plus 2 years, and 4 months) has been a whirlwind!
I’ve probably slept a total of 4 hours, and, though I’m honestly trying to nap, i somehow began writing…maybe my eyes will just droop shut?!
It’s so hard to believe all of the time (and testing) (an advocating) it took to get here, not to mention, the crazy timing.
I’m home (from having been at camp) sitting next to my daughter, watching her sleep off anesthesia and listening to her softly sigh in her sleep from the pain…pain, in which I pray is the start of healing, and the beginning of much less than she’s had to endure until now.
I marvel at all that she’s accomplished while in this pain, like her final year of college, her honors thesis, her research, her sitting for the law boards, her graduation from college, her first year of law school, all of the acquired awards, and the list goes on and on and on.
I can’t help myself as I capture a photo of her– sleeping…with a briefcase, just to the left of her, and “benny”, the bunny, to her right. Life, afterall, is about a balance…
I’m still recovering from my own procedure merely 5 days earlier, but I’m mom, and that’s just the way things go.
I watch the clock, at the ready, to medicate her, hydrate her, check the incisions, provide the tiniest snack, or anything at all that I can do, since I’ve not been able to do ANYTHING before.
I thank this new found surgeon, and second gastrointeroligist, again and again, under my breath, having heard us, when no one else has before.
I revisit, again and again, what he told me as she was leaving the OR…how we have now been confirmed that medical testing is far from perfect, how an opinion is just that…an opinion, how sometimes additional information just complicates things, and how managed care creates it’s own scenarios, much like jurassic park.
The money alone that I’ve spent going from specialist to specialist, the testing and retesting, the hospital ERs, the pain meds, the side effects, the homeopathic regimens, the different diets and supplements, and all that she reluctantly did, like a trooper, again and again, in the hope of some, or any, at all, relief, while being bounced around, and back and forth between 2 states like a basketball goes to and from each side of the court.
My fingers and toes are crossed that this exploratory procedure, ending in the removal of a torsed gall bladder, badly stretched out and covered in scar tissue, and the removal of part of her liver, causing a hematoma that almost sent us right back to the hospital, will end this horrific pain and be the answer we’ve been hoping for through all of the many tests, scans, and mris, having been done numerous times, over and over again….the costs, more than financial.
I wonder what she could’ve accomplished pain free in that same time. How different her demeanor would’ve been. Her experience.
I watch her, amazed at the woman that she is…so young…so focused…and so full of promise.
It’s been such a long journey and I hope that we have reached our destination and are truly home free.
But, for now, we rest, and wait, and hope.