Rebel

The word has a certain ring to it…
A noun…a person who rises in opposition or armed resistance against an established government or ruler. A person who resists any authority, control, or tradition.
A verb…the rise in opposition or armed resistance to an established government or ruler.

I’ve always been one to try to fit in…to blend in…not one to stand out.
I got my education in very specific programs.
I loved singing in the chorus, and the cohesiveness of different vocal sections blending together to form one great sound.
I was my strongest, dancing in a group, or duo, rather than as a soloist.
I stood strong in theatre ensembles, and marveled in moments that each audience member and individual theatre goer felt from the empowerment of the group and their story behind their voices.
I have belonged to a fabulous sorority, many professional organizations, and staff groups with a common ground, or purpose, always for the greater good.
I conduct groups as part of my therapeutic practice, and
even my yoga practice is based upon a specific group of yogis.
True to the theory that there is power in numbers, I  am empowered by those around me and take comfort in belonging. And, true to form, I am an absolute  sucker for tradition, especially those traditions that are carried through for decades, no matter how corny they might be.

I’ve never thought of myself as rebellious in any way, and tend to follow the rules, even lacking flexibility at times. I have always hesitated to stray from the masses for fear of being rejected or scorned. Yes, I was often a leader, but, a leader is only as good as their followers who hold them up, and vice versa.
I’ve often been put into leadership positions because of my ability to multitask, or speak well, and often because I felt strongly about a cause.
And sometimes, just because no one stepped forward, and I felt obligated to the group to represent them.
…Not quite your “Evita”, but more likely,  one of the people of Argentina who picketed on the front lines for their cause and for a new Argentina.

However, as of late, I have taken on a different role of sorts. A risk, so to speak, to stand alone, and stand strong. It is no easy feat, believe me, not by any means. It is not something familiar to me, nor had I had the opportunity to rehearse for it, or not that I had realized at least  beforehand, but it was time. Maybe even more than time. So used to belonging, following what was expected and even what I had hoped would all work out in the end, as it was foreign to me to take a different path. I belonged to a unit, a partnership, a group, and in a role that I did well, and perfected.  But, some roles must be played alongside a strong scene partner to make their impact. A monologue moves the audience to think, and even the actor….to seek purpose and explore their role, their choices, and their next steps. I had lost my scene partner, earlier than I had realized, and no matter how hard I worked at it, the scene had become ineffective; the show, a flop, with bad reviews. Did the audience realize what was happening?  I really don’t think so. And, honestly, it doesn’t matter. Even now, there is still much surprise…to myself as well.
I have realized now,  that I WAS standing strong, standing solo, and for much longer than I had realized.
I am now building an empire, finding myself, healing myself, loving myself, being passionate, getting fit, growing friendships, meeting new people, making memories, and even performing more often, and yes,  finding my happiness. I’m open to new experiences and new roles, and new relationships,  and,  if that makes me a rebel…so be it.  Welcome to a new Argentina.

 

 

 

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